You have, right before your eyes, your very own life that you run completely. Look at your goals, your responsibilities, your needs, your kids’ needs and completely organize your entire schedule around this. When you’re budgeting, you don’t have to worry about a partner’s needs or desires. You won’t be criticized for a decision you made in a hurry.
You have the flexibility to control every aspect of your schedule without having to compromise or work around anyone else! You won’t be questioned as to why money was spent on something a partner might disagree with. You come home after a long day and discover your dogs, once again, have escaped out of the fence that you knocked yourself out trying to secure. You go back to square one trying to find a way to prop, ‘jimmy-rig,’ and repair the fence to keep the dogs in. What happens next time both of your dogs get out and the neighbor’s husband is no longer available?
The 26 participants included singles who were middle class and working class, urban and rural. For the cohort in question, to be a young and single in Ireland had been challenging.
As authors Virpi Timonen and Martha Doyle noted, "As young adults in the late 1950s, 1960s and in the 1970s, all participants had been socialized in a patriarchal society in which divorce and contraception were prohibited, and non-marital co-habitation and sexual relations were taboo." In wide-ranging interviews, the many topics participants discussed included their backgrounds, work life, social life, family life, and their thoughts about living single from early adulthood up to the present.
When those who were single-by-constraint did pursue romantic relationships, they did not find satisfactory partners.
The authors described them as "freedom-focused." They wanted to make their own choices about how to live, what they would and would not spend money on, how often to socialize, and with whom.
They valued autonomy and often viewed married life as constraining.
Most of all, find gratitude in as much as possible.
Focus on the good, your strengths and what you can do to improve.